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Have you ever loved someone so much and felt like you couldn't do anything about it. I'm not close to my family at all. We talk yes, but i don't go home for the holidays get a gift on my birthday or even have them come visit.
But I have this boyfriend, we have been together over a year. But just recently have we told his family we are in a relationship. And they are wonderful people...and I think they like me....but I might be wrong. I was very excited with the holidays coming up because I finely felt like I would have a family to spend the holiday with. Laugh with as relaxed after dinner...As is been years since i have had that.
Yet this year I face it again. And i feel like i can't even express my feelings or cry. I feel if i do he will leave me because im just an over emotional 22 year old girl who puts to much on him. That he would rather have someone older and more emotionally not needy ( does that even make sense).
To give everyone a quick background. I met him when i was married, he was there through my divorce, then we started dating. In may we found out he would be moving out of state to help his parents but would come down every other weekend. And it was that way at first...then it got longer between visit and shorter visits. Then his sister came into the picture and has taken 85% of his time. Yet I stay strong and push through because hes sooo worth it. There have been times i needed him and he wasn't here .....ex. when i was sick in bed with 104 fever for 3 days, or when i lost my job, or the weekend my sister had her baby and I couldn't travel to see her....but yet i stay strong for him.
Fast forward to today. I find out his parents want thanksgiving to just be family and it was like getting hit by a mac truck. All i wanted to do was have a family for the holiday. And it feels like another family doesn't want me...And i try so hard to make them like me. Then to top it off the day after thanksgiving he leave for hawaii for 2 weeks!!! Thats more time away from him.
And its possible his sister is moving to dallas...So there guys time alone with him, as shes super needy. I want to be the most amazing girl friend. But i feel like im not good enough for him...or that i hold him back.
It hard to feel so kept away from my family and His....I wish life was more like the movies...where boyfriends bring their girlfriends home for the holidays and parents are excited and so inviting.
Oh yell enough about this....maybe christmas will be better....
But I have this boyfriend, we have been together over a year. But just recently have we told his family we are in a relationship. And they are wonderful people...and I think they like me....but I might be wrong. I was very excited with the holidays coming up because I finely felt like I would have a family to spend the holiday with. Laugh with as relaxed after dinner...As is been years since i have had that.
Yet this year I face it again. And i feel like i can't even express my feelings or cry. I feel if i do he will leave me because im just an over emotional 22 year old girl who puts to much on him. That he would rather have someone older and more emotionally not needy ( does that even make sense).
To give everyone a quick background. I met him when i was married, he was there through my divorce, then we started dating. In may we found out he would be moving out of state to help his parents but would come down every other weekend. And it was that way at first...then it got longer between visit and shorter visits. Then his sister came into the picture and has taken 85% of his time. Yet I stay strong and push through because hes sooo worth it. There have been times i needed him and he wasn't here .....ex. when i was sick in bed with 104 fever for 3 days, or when i lost my job, or the weekend my sister had her baby and I couldn't travel to see her....but yet i stay strong for him.
Fast forward to today. I find out his parents want thanksgiving to just be family and it was like getting hit by a mac truck. All i wanted to do was have a family for the holiday. And it feels like another family doesn't want me...And i try so hard to make them like me. Then to top it off the day after thanksgiving he leave for hawaii for 2 weeks!!! Thats more time away from him.
And its possible his sister is moving to dallas...So there guys time alone with him, as shes super needy. I want to be the most amazing girl friend. But i feel like im not good enough for him...or that i hold him back.
It hard to feel so kept away from my family and His....I wish life was more like the movies...where boyfriends bring their girlfriends home for the holidays and parents are excited and so inviting.
Oh yell enough about this....maybe christmas will be better....
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